#2. Idonwannawait

Hey Meme,

I hope you like the urn we got you. Lily picked it out. I insisted that you were not joking and told Pop to put you in one of the metal coffee pots. I planned to say: “The coffee pot has been in the family for centuries, and the family will be in the coffee pot for centuries.” We balked.

Unclear if you could tell, but I got into a big fight with the entire family before you died. I was being a drunk ass, as you could tell. My mental health was in shambles. Karyn said, “Greg is our little asshole, and we wouldn’t have life without him, so suck it up!” Greg was the one who had the strength to make the first move to reconcile with me.

Typical to Pop, we seem to have moved on from the fight without discussion. I know I owe him an apology. I’m trying to feel out the right moment.

In week 1, I felt like I needed to run away, so I took Lily and Avery on a Valentine’s-MLvaKation to Wilmington, NC. Perhaps you know… Dawson’s Creek was filmed there. I knew you loved that show, and James Van Der Beek had the good sense to follow you into heaven the day after you passed away. I hope you met him. I hope you pinched his butt standing in line in front of the pearly gates. (When I was five, I infamously pinched a guy’s ass in church. He later became my math teacher).

While in Wilmington, I cried the first time I felt the need to send you a photo of us. I’ll attach the photo here. The trip was kind of mid, even though the city was cool, and long story short, Avery broke up with me when we returned. I don’t think it was his intention, but the conversation went to him saying, “I don’t think we are in love anymore.” I had to agree. Not that I think anyone is dying to have more sex while their mother is lying on her death bed for two months, but I know he is right. It’s fizzled out. We said we want to pivot into friendship. He intends to keep Lily while I’m working out of town next Tuesday. It would be good for her to have a man stick around for her.

Regardless of that nice-it-ivity, Avery still took some cheap shots—asked if I could give it 24 hours before I fuck MCBong. Anyone who truly wants me to do something should come with a nicer approach.

Tarri said MCBong was always your favorite. I wish I could ask if that were true. He didn’t call me to give his condolences when you passed away, and that hurt my feelings. He did go console Pop. Misses CB still hates me for calling his other situationship, but I forgive myself. He wasn’t going to be in a relationship with me anyway. No harm, no foul.

Next week, I will fill you in on Lily and Grandad.

I love you and I miss you,

Katy

We pet those fish. Lily learned what “noodling” is, but not because we tried it. We didn’t.